story by MANDY HOWARD
Online gaming has become a global pastime, blending creativity and social connection. But as its popularity soars, troubling reports of manipulation and abuse show that not every player enters the game with good intentions.
Several North Carolinians, including a teen in Wake Forest, have joined in filing lawsuits against the popular gaming platform, Roblox. The flurry of nationwide lawsuits began last February after terrifying cases of grooming, manipulation and kidnapping made national headlines. Notable cases out of Iowa and California included a 13-year-old and a 10-year-old who were groomed on the platform and subsequently kidnapped and/or trafficked.
The lawsuits allege that the Roblox gaming platform allows unrestricted access for child predators to exploit and groom minors. Although there may be nuance in each case, they are a wake-up call to both gaming corporations and parents about the ugliest side of online gaming.
While it’s true that there are potential dangers to gaming, there are also many benefits parents see when their children engage in these platforms. From social interaction to creative thinking, there can be genuine positives to playing video games.
THE ULTIMATE PLAY
Video games are likely here to stay and may be an important part of our children’s development and social life. They can help foster friendships, problem solving and creative thinking.
They can also be addictive, so it’s important to monitor screen time. If we get it just right, maybe we’ll raise geniuses who code and build apps in their spare time. If we get it wrong, we could rot their brains and disable their ability to cope with the real world. No pressure, right?
Thanks to these lawsuits, we must now embrace that it’s possible a predator will target our child online under the guise of being a middle schooler from down the street and trick them into getting kidnapped.
Casey Calhoun, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and owner of Calhoun Psychology PLLC in Chapel Hill, is the father of three young children who enjoy video games. “It’s not easy to be a parent in modern times because just when we start to figure things out, they continue to change in a very quick fashion. It’s hard to keep up.”
It’s a topic Calhoun has been particularly interested in as his own children have entered the world of online gaming. He sees noteworthy benefits from their interaction with online games, from intellectual curiosity to creative problem-solving. That said, he also certainly recognizes the drawbacks.
“There is never going to be a one-size-fits-all statement about how much kids should engage in common threads that people should pay attention to,” he says.
With that in mind, here are a few important things for parents to keep an eye on when their kids play games online.
THE GOOD
Carrie Crase Rogers is the mom of three teenage boys with incredibly different interests and abilities. Their gaming preferences vary greatly and, similar to many of us, she has a love/hate feeling towards gaming. However, she can’t help but see the benefits, especially for one son who spent many years struggling socially.
“There were kids who would try to talk to [my son] and he’d walk away like they weren’t even there. Now, he invites his friend down the street to come over because he’ll have the latest game, and it’s something they can do together.”
She noted that what she especially appreciates is how so many of the games offer opportunities to connect outside of the gaming platform. “They will have meet-ups and there are movies that come out based on the games; it goes beyond just playing the game.”
Calhoun agrees, noting that multiplayer games support teamwork, communication and a sense of belonging. Additionally, he says that online games can enhance sharper thinking skills and creativity.
“My elementary-aged kids use advanced words and understand complex topics that my generation didn’t learn until much later in life, and much of this comes from their exposure to online information. Exposure like that can be good and can promote skill and knowledge development, but then there is the exposure that can be risky and developmentally misaligned.”
THE BAD
Brad Rappaport, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist at Inner Path Psychotherapy in Raleigh who specializes in helping guide individuals through challenging life transitions. As part of his practice, he often deals with addiction. Gaming, like anything that offers an “escape from the real world,” in addition to quick pleasure fixes, can become an addiction.
However, before parents should worry about addiction (officially recognized as “gaming disorder”), he notes there is a definite difference between “gaming too much” and an “addiction to gaming.”
“The key difference is functional impairment. In gaming disorder, the individual’s gaming impairs their functioning in key areas of
life: relationships, school, work and perhaps their physical wellbeing. With ‘gaming too much,’ the individual is spending a lot of time playing video games, but they still handle their school and family responsibilities as needed,” Rappaport explains.
So, for example, if your kid is still keeping his grades up, he should be able to game as much as he wants, right? Well, not quite. Rappaport notes there are genuine consequences to gaming too much despite keeping all other areas of life afloat, including:
• Isolation from family and friends
• Loss of sleep and lack of exercise
• Irritability
• Mood swings
• Trouble concentrating
Calhoun agrees: “We’re not paying close enough attention to how gaming is replacing other things in a child’s development.” He then challenges parents to consider what kids chose to do before video games were an option.
Each moment your child is spending online gaming, what other thing might he be doing? From sitting in silence, bored, to tagging along with Mom on a trip to the grocery store—and from watching their dad do paperwork to making up silly games or engaging in healthy risk-taking with their siblings.
“When you have mental candy right in front of you, it’s hard to look beyond that candy to see things that may not be as immediately rewarding but will be more gratifying in the long term,” Calhoun says.
Rogers adds that she notices when her sons, especially her older teens, get too in-depth in the gaming world, they have a tendency to parrot viewpoints or ideas that come from people online. “We would start to realize that he was saying things that really didn’t sound like him,” she says.
And while all of these possibilities are not great, they pale in comparison to …
THE UGLY
This is where the conversation shifts from managing a hobby to protecting your child. As the aforementioned lawsuits show, there are ample opportunities for predators to find and groom minors through online gaming platforms.
What is most upsetting is that it seems many of the parental safety features that can be put in place can often be overridden by bad actors. “Unfortunately, there are YouTube videos and gamer pros who guide kids on how to get through parental controls,” Calhoun says.
When asked how she and her husband monitor their sons’ online gaming, Rogers admits, “It’s like a full-time job. It’s hard for sure, but when you have kids, nothing is part-time.” She adds that they have been very clear on expectations, some of which include:
• If you wouldn’t do it/say it in real life, you don’t do it online.
• You absolutely do not engage with strangers, ever.
• Mom and Dad have your password at all times and can and will check your activity whenever they want.
• If you break a single rule, gaming is out … we don’t care how much you whine.
THE ULTIMATE WIN
This topic may feel too big to wrap up neatly, but finding the right fit for gaming in your child’s life really comes down to one thing: communication.
Rogers noted how they have family game nights and while she is pretty good at Super Smash Bros., she is kind of “trash” at other games. So, she watches, she learns and she lets her boys giggle as she makes feeble attempts to play. She will watch video walk-throughs and will ask nonstop questions so her sons know she is engaged.
So, before you read about the lawsuits and toss your Xbox in the trash, consider the good, the bad and the ugly. And most importantly, have that conversation with your child.
Calhoun concludes, “The more you thoughtfully talk with your kids and consider their motivations for playing, the more you can work toward reasonable boundaries and guidelines that will ultimately help your kid feel heard and respected. These conversations will help them continue to participate in something they enjoy while also keeping them safe and ensuring they are not experiencing unintended negative outcomes.”
